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You and MeSomehow, it feels like all of my daydreams.
All of my dreams are gone.
I never think it would hurt this bad.
You and I both know this isn't the ending to this story.
There's more to this, another chapter for us to reveal.
I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind.
That I don't intend to get over you.
I'm a silly hopeless romantic, but there are few things that make me smile.
Maybe I'm lying to myself, but maybe it will help in the long run.
Maybe I'm too optimistic, but I won't give up.
As I sit in the dark and look to my ceiling.
I hold up my hand and I begin to shake hands with my demons.
The past is the past and that's okay.
I'll befriend my mistakes and I'll correct them.
I'm determined now.
Now I'll begin to tap, touch and feel. My own fear, my own insecurities.
. . . Give me one week, I'm wishing on one week.
Tonight, I'll make friends with the shadows on my wall.
And leave my wishes on paper planes and fragile daydreams.
FebruaryI hate the month of February.
I could say it's because of the month of my birthday.
But that's kind of weak, don't you think?
It seems like...every year, I fall apart even more....
As I get closer to the guilt. It's been almost three or four years now.
I don't understand what I'm doing wrong.
It seems like no one is talking to me anymore.
Like I'm not there....
...so, what happens when I'm not there anymore?
...Will they notice?
Will anyone notice?
Guys, I'm falling apart.
Please come save me from myself.
Can't you all see that I need you right now?! More than ever?!
Did I do something wrong...?
I'm so sorry...I don't understand.
You guys don't talk to me. What am I doing wrong?
I'm just a selfish bitch..every move I make.
My family. My parents. The government. You all.
I give up.
I can't pretend to be whole anymore.
I'm done with this "resolve".
Because in the end...
What difference will it make?
....Looks like just another February.
Lynder: Confessions Of A Tumblr MunLet's talk a little walk somewhere, shall we? I don't even know where, to be honest. Maybe somewhere into the void, into the past, present...I've always loved History, you know that? Let's take a step back then...somewhere..where I lost myself.
~ The Words Of Lie Ren ~
Yeah, that's right. I lied. How does that make you all feel? Everytime I say, I'm fine...it's a lie. You know what? I don't resent you if you hate me for that, honestly. I probably deserve that. I've been trying to be selfless, have I been selfish all along? I honestly wish I knew, but I can only read your emotions, not your thoughts.
Don't worry, you aren't the only ones I lie to. My parents, the government, my sister. Don't even get me started, really. I lie to myself too, I can't admit things to myself. Paranoia maybe. It's all in my head. It's always in my head.
“I don't get attached to people. Hate me.”
That's a lie, too. Everything I've said is a
RewriteHave you ever met someone you'd be willing to change your life for?
How about multiple someones?
People you'd be willing to do anything to see happy?
I have a few. Some stories to tell....
They know nothing about me. Yet they care..they'll give faith in me.
Is it faith? Is it pity?
No. The one who has given pity is I.
"You're too quick and risky."
Yes. That's true.
I'm also good at seizing the moment. Making friends.
I'm pathetic, you know that?
An excuse of a Human being..
Suddenly, I'm not so angry anymore.
I think it's time I face more than just myself.
What really happened those five months ago?
I haven't been myself in a while, you know.
No, you don't know. We just met after all.
You know my name, you know my face.
Do you truly know my story?
No. But you still care. Thank you.
"I'm gonna make you see the light in whatever darkness you see yourself in."
"Leon, you're such a strong person."
"It's odd how two people who don't want to get attached to other people are attached t
End ItIt feels like...I'm holding a weapon to my head.
A constant war, in and out. Through and through.
I can't fix myself, or I'm a liar.
I can't trust people, or I'll suffer.
I know I'm not in the right mind. That much is true.
I can't help but realize how close I am.
Into the dark abyss. In which no soul return from.
Hehe..how pitiful of me.
I've been abandoned by everyone. It's my own fault.
My own lack of contribution to my Humanity. My lack of concern.
Why do I say those kind of things?!
I don't care anymore.
Save me from myself.
And my misery.
Do me a favor.
End it all
TryOh look. My era of fake euphoria is over.
What a pity.
Speaking of which, pity me. Or, that seems to be all I say anymore.
If I could change myself, oh, how so I would.
It seems like I've never cared about anyone in my life.
Heh, maybe I haven't. Maybe I never let myself. Maybe I'm just that selfish.
Or maybe I've just been hurt too many times to let people reach me again.
Maybe I've built up my defense so bad...convinced myself I truly don't care.
Or maybe I don't want to try.
It seems like my non-existent freedom will come to an end.
With all the shadows and gloom that follow me...all the sadness that burns my heart.
All the regret and pride that follows me. How shameless. How lame.
My body burns from the depression as it falls further into the pit.
The pity that swallowed my heart and my thoughts.
And soon, I know.
I will give up.
I've always said, "sure, I'll try harder".
Maybe I will. Maybe I won't.
Whether or not I try...
...only time can tell.
Liar, LiarI don't know how to make things right.
So, I'll pretend everything's okay.
And nothing's wrong.
Liar, liar, liar, liar, escapist, liar, liar.
Can you swallow it? All the lies you've told?
Out of spite, you sit there...tell them it's all good.
Convince them otherwise.
Liar, liar, liar, liar, escapist, liar, liar.
You've shocked your memory so many times...you run away.
You hide the truth. You're afraid to be judged.
You can't remember anything, and you're just shallow and jealous.
Liar, liar, liar, escapist, liar, liar.
How much longer are you going to pretend you're hiding?
You're in plain sight. You've always been.
You lie to yourself...you lie to everyone...
Liar, liar, liar, liar.
Worthless. Worthless. Worthless.
"I'm fine, really."
You have to tell the truth eventually.
No, I don't.
...this is my one last sacrifice.
Lynder: A ConfessionMy aunt bought me a wishlet yesterday. I didn't really know why I wanted it, I didn't have any wishes. I've always been one for spirituality. But, last night, I decided what I wanted my wish to be...
Something about the past holds a mysterious grip over my heart. If only I could remember what really happened back then...why did I change things? Why do I forget now? What the HELL did I do? Do I want to know? Funny, someone said something to me yesterday...it still hangs in the back of my mind, haunting me, I don't know why. About the past. Our past. How did I screw things up so badly?
Heh...I blame myself for it, really. Even if I don't know the truth...Soty-kun is trying to help me remember. I'm pitiful. Why am I listening to Quietdrive--”caught up in circles, confusion is nothing new” – anyway, I've been thinking a lot lately.
It's probably too much for everyone to handle. My sudden absence..have I grown cold and distant? “Different”, they say. “Dis
ContentMy mind is empty right now.
No fears; no hate. Nothing.
Neutrality all around.
For the first time.
In a while.
In truth, I am simply content.
No more bottling up thoughts or emotions.
I've decided to be on my own path;
Not drawn by "destiny".
Did we choose our own destiny?
Does it choose us?
I think I choose mine.
We do not help who we are born to.
We cannot choose our family. Who we love.
We can choose where we go.
I guess that's good enough for me.
Even overjoyed, I can feel exhaustion overcome me.
It seems like forever since I've been able to sleep.
But now, I can fall asleep peacefully.
Is everyone okay? I think so.
For once, everything is just how I want it.
This is how I hope it stays.
For now, anyway.
Perhaps recovery is on its way.
And for the first time in forever.
I might just be okay.
Death isn't a fresh perspectiveI saw my mother
swallowing something small
when I was just a child
The anguish in her eyes
faded, as she told me
it was just a
with a little extra kick
maybe years later,
that's how I convinced
to swallow fifteen,
give me a fresh perspective;
in the end,
my breath reeked
instead of mint.
Our Captain (Robin Williams Remembrance Poem)Oh, Captain
We’ve never had,
A Friend like You.
You came to us as an Alien,
from the Planet Ork.
But through the Years,
You made Home in Our Hearts
We Saluted You over the Airwaves
We Watched You get Sucked in a Game,
And Haul Your Family in the Big Rolling Turd.
You were a British Nanny,
Who was actually their Dad.
A Business Man,
Who was actually Peter Pan.
A Crazy Scientist,
Making a Being called Flubber.
Who Just Wanted to be Free.
You were a Robot,
Made of Rusty Old Parts.
We’ve never had,
A Friend like You.
You became the Man of the Year,
And the Wax Figurine Exhibit
Of the Twenty-Sixth President
Of the United States of America.
You Were the World’s Greatest Dad,
And the World’s Greatest Therapist.
You Had a License to Wed
And be a Kid,
Who Grew Up Four Times Too Fast.
You only Won One Oscar.
But that’s okay.
We Love all Your Other Works Anyways…
We Will Miss You
fall in love with (splitting hairline fractures)we swallow blues instead
of talking them out. oh,
kids like us are specters,
spectacles: boys counting
rib(cage)s & (de)composing
don't you hate
is a vessel
we're deities or tomb-raiders; no
in-betweens for writers these days
Dark SideThere's another side of me
A side I barely show
It's my dark side
And my pride
The time I showed it to my friends
They were shocked, worried
I will tell you what they said
Decide for me
If these are what you call
One said 'just be happy'
One said 'that isn't true!'
One said ' but I've got it much worse'
One said 'don't be annoying'
One said nothing at all
Only One listened
That could be you
This is my dark side
The one that tells the truth
It makes me write
It keeps my dreams
It is everything I have
But no one knows
DoormatI let you walk
All over me
Like the floor
Beneath your feet
And I never complain
The floor doesn't
If the floor complained
When you walked on it
You would be very annoyed
And you would probably
So I don't complain
Because I don't want
To be replaced
And I let you
Push me around
Like a cart
Through a shop
And I never push back
The cart doesn't
If the cart pushed back
When you pushed it
You would get hurt
And you would probably
So I don't push back
Because I don't want
To be left alone
Now, and forever more
Who lets you
Wipe your feet on my face
I love you
But I question
If you love me back
Because who would love
A dirty old Doormat?
I died todayI died today
Took my own life
I was tired
I was desperate
And now I'm dead
People never cared
So I left them behind
Now a new life awaits
Beyond the gates of Hell
SkinnyI wish you'd believe me,
When I tell you you're pretty,
That you don't need to skip a meal or run 7 miles,
Just so you can be skinny,
You talk about how you hate yourself,
You wish you could be stunning, beautiful, gorgeous.
You think that if you looked like a model,
That you'd never be lonely,
Everyone would love you.
You think you d get that guy you ve been dreaming of,
Maybe mommy and daddy wouldn't be so harsh if they had a pretty little girl.
You re skin and bone,
But that is not good enough,
You need less and less,
And every pound that disappears,
You begin to lose yourself in a vicious cycle.
Until you re consumed and it eats away at you.
I beg you to listen to me,
I want you to know that you mean everything,
But you don't care,
And then when the ambulances came,
And carried you away...
There was nothing more I could say...
I guess you were unaware,
That you were already beautiful.
each kiss carries
context and content,
sad eyes pour into mine
like a swimming pool
being filled with angels’ tears.
i cup her face in my hands,
trying to hold all of the water
that escapes her
as i gently kiss her forehead.
i will cradle her cerebrum
and maintain our composure.
i will protect you.
refers to the hands on a clock,
as well as the anatomical.
and this kiss is subtle,
but it represents our passing of time.
i started this with my mother at 13,
and only a few embraces away from 18.
with our fingers locking
themselves to adolescence.
i never have visibly blushed,
but i swear my flushed cheek
burned where your left your lips
for nearly a lifetime.
at least that’s what it felt like.
i kissed the blinds
that covered the windows
of your soul
to let you know
the sun still shone
even if your eyes were close
ConfusionThat sudden moment in a loud room.
When it suddenly goes silent.
Your strained voice calls out; it reaches no one.
What's going on?
Can someone tell me?
I'm confused...I'm lost.
The thousand daggers to the side.
Burning hatred of a thousand flames.
The dark insanity rises.
I'm so lost. So confuse.
Someone please help me.
I hate myself.
I wish I could've stopped it.
What kind of friend am I?
A bad one. I lose everything important.
I'm such an idiot, a pathetic fool.
I'm trash. This confusion.
I'm losing myself in sadness and anger.
I can't hate them.
I can't blame them.
"My brother...my brother..."
The only one I can hate.
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Endorell-Taelos is very well known within the community for her selfless giving and gracious community spirit. Since joining DeviantART over seven years ago, Alicia has continued to make a positive impact on many deviants. Her helpful and thoughtful approach was one of her finest attributes when serving as a Community Volunteer, and this has continued throughout the many contests which Alicia provides on a regular basis. As we approach our Birthday celebrations, we can't... Read More