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You and MeSomehow, it feels like all of my daydreams.
All of my dreams are gone.
I never think it would hurt this bad.
You and I both know this isn't the ending to this story.
There's more to this, another chapter for us to reveal.
I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind.
That I don't intend to get over you.
I'm a silly hopeless romantic, but there are few things that make me smile.
Maybe I'm lying to myself, but maybe it will help in the long run.
Maybe I'm too optimistic, but I won't give up.
As I sit in the dark and look to my ceiling.
I hold up my hand and I begin to shake hands with my demons.
The past is the past and that's okay.
I'll befriend my mistakes and I'll correct them.
I'm determined now.
Now I'll begin to tap, touch and feel. My own fear, my own insecurities.
. . . Give me one week, I'm wishing on one week.
Tonight, I'll make friends with the shadows on my wall.
And leave my wishes on paper planes and fragile daydreams.
FebruaryI hate the month of February.
I could say it's because of the month of my birthday.
But that's kind of weak, don't you think?
It seems like...every year, I fall apart even more....
As I get closer to the guilt. It's been almost three or four years now.
I don't understand what I'm doing wrong.
It seems like no one is talking to me anymore.
Like I'm not there....
...so, what happens when I'm not there anymore?
...Will they notice?
Will anyone notice?
Guys, I'm falling apart.
Please come save me from myself.
Can't you all see that I need you right now?! More than ever?!
Did I do something wrong...?
I'm so sorry...I don't understand.
You guys don't talk to me. What am I doing wrong?
I'm just a selfish bitch..every move I make.
My family. My parents. The government. You all.
I give up.
I can't pretend to be whole anymore.
I'm done with this "resolve".
Because in the end...
What difference will it make?
....Looks like just another February.
Lynder: Confessions Of A Tumblr MunLet's talk a little walk somewhere, shall we? I don't even know where, to be honest. Maybe somewhere into the void, into the past, present...I've always loved History, you know that? Let's take a step back then...somewhere..where I lost myself.
~ The Words Of Lie Ren ~
Yeah, that's right. I lied. How does that make you all feel? Everytime I say, I'm fine...it's a lie. You know what? I don't resent you if you hate me for that, honestly. I probably deserve that. I've been trying to be selfless, have I been selfish all along? I honestly wish I knew, but I can only read your emotions, not your thoughts.
Don't worry, you aren't the only ones I lie to. My parents, the government, my sister. Don't even get me started, really. I lie to myself too, I can't admit things to myself. Paranoia maybe. It's all in my head. It's always in my head.
“I don't get attached to people. Hate me.”
That's a lie, too. Everything I've said is a
RewriteHave you ever met someone you'd be willing to change your life for?
How about multiple someones?
People you'd be willing to do anything to see happy?
I have a few. Some stories to tell....
They know nothing about me. Yet they care..they'll give faith in me.
Is it faith? Is it pity?
No. The one who has given pity is I.
"You're too quick and risky."
Yes. That's true.
I'm also good at seizing the moment. Making friends.
I'm pathetic, you know that?
An excuse of a Human being..
Suddenly, I'm not so angry anymore.
I think it's time I face more than just myself.
What really happened those five months ago?
I haven't been myself in a while, you know.
No, you don't know. We just met after all.
You know my name, you know my face.
Do you truly know my story?
No. But you still care. Thank you.
"I'm gonna make you see the light in whatever darkness you see yourself in."
"Leon, you're such a strong person."
"It's odd how two people who don't want to get attached to other people are attached t
End ItIt feels like...I'm holding a weapon to my head.
A constant war, in and out. Through and through.
I can't fix myself, or I'm a liar.
I can't trust people, or I'll suffer.
I know I'm not in the right mind. That much is true.
I can't help but realize how close I am.
Into the dark abyss. In which no soul return from.
Hehe..how pitiful of me.
I've been abandoned by everyone. It's my own fault.
My own lack of contribution to my Humanity. My lack of concern.
Why do I say those kind of things?!
I don't care anymore.
Save me from myself.
And my misery.
Do me a favor.
End it all
TryOh look. My era of fake euphoria is over.
What a pity.
Speaking of which, pity me. Or, that seems to be all I say anymore.
If I could change myself, oh, how so I would.
It seems like I've never cared about anyone in my life.
Heh, maybe I haven't. Maybe I never let myself. Maybe I'm just that selfish.
Or maybe I've just been hurt too many times to let people reach me again.
Maybe I've built up my defense so bad...convinced myself I truly don't care.
Or maybe I don't want to try.
It seems like my non-existent freedom will come to an end.
With all the shadows and gloom that follow me...all the sadness that burns my heart.
All the regret and pride that follows me. How shameless. How lame.
My body burns from the depression as it falls further into the pit.
The pity that swallowed my heart and my thoughts.
And soon, I know.
I will give up.
I've always said, "sure, I'll try harder".
Maybe I will. Maybe I won't.
Whether or not I try...
...only time can tell.
Liar, LiarI don't know how to make things right.
So, I'll pretend everything's okay.
And nothing's wrong.
Liar, liar, liar, liar, escapist, liar, liar.
Can you swallow it? All the lies you've told?
Out of spite, you sit there...tell them it's all good.
Convince them otherwise.
Liar, liar, liar, liar, escapist, liar, liar.
You've shocked your memory so many times...you run away.
You hide the truth. You're afraid to be judged.
You can't remember anything, and you're just shallow and jealous.
Liar, liar, liar, escapist, liar, liar.
How much longer are you going to pretend you're hiding?
You're in plain sight. You've always been.
You lie to yourself...you lie to everyone...
Liar, liar, liar, liar.
Worthless. Worthless. Worthless.
"I'm fine, really."
You have to tell the truth eventually.
No, I don't.
...this is my one last sacrifice.
Lynder: A ConfessionMy aunt bought me a wishlet yesterday. I didn't really know why I wanted it, I didn't have any wishes. I've always been one for spirituality. But, last night, I decided what I wanted my wish to be...
Something about the past holds a mysterious grip over my heart. If only I could remember what really happened back then...why did I change things? Why do I forget now? What the HELL did I do? Do I want to know? Funny, someone said something to me yesterday...it still hangs in the back of my mind, haunting me, I don't know why. About the past. Our past. How did I screw things up so badly?
Heh...I blame myself for it, really. Even if I don't know the truth...Soty-kun is trying to help me remember. I'm pitiful. Why am I listening to Quietdrive--”caught up in circles, confusion is nothing new” – anyway, I've been thinking a lot lately.
It's probably too much for everyone to handle. My sudden absence..have I grown cold and distant? “Different”, they say. “Dis
ContentMy mind is empty right now.
No fears; no hate. Nothing.
Neutrality all around.
For the first time.
In a while.
In truth, I am simply content.
No more bottling up thoughts or emotions.
I've decided to be on my own path;
Not drawn by "destiny".
Did we choose our own destiny?
Does it choose us?
I think I choose mine.
We do not help who we are born to.
We cannot choose our family. Who we love.
We can choose where we go.
I guess that's good enough for me.
Even overjoyed, I can feel exhaustion overcome me.
It seems like forever since I've been able to sleep.
But now, I can fall asleep peacefully.
Is everyone okay? I think so.
For once, everything is just how I want it.
This is how I hope it stays.
For now, anyway.
Perhaps recovery is on its way.
And for the first time in forever.
I might just be okay.
It's Okay to be ImperfectThe moon
Stand Against SuicideI know the pain is perhaps unbearable,
But darling, please put down the blade.
Release your emotions through tears and smiles,
Rather than dreading these days.
Do it for the little girl, whose mother can’t be there,
Or for the boy whose father drank too much.
For the boy who can’t sit in elementary school,
Because the bruises from Daddy hurt to touch.
For the teenage girl lying face down in her bed,
Thinking, why can’t it all be done?
For the elderly man looking up at the stars,
Counting the days one by one.
Do it for the children who wonder, does it end?
For the ones who feel left on their own.
For the ones who think, maybe it wouldn’t be so hard
If I didn’t feel so left alone.
And finally, do it for one other person,
The person in front of these words.
Because you’ll never know how it gets better
When focusing on pain and hurt.
Live one more day, dear, for them and for you,
And I swear to you, problems will fade.
I know, for right now, it’s p
Unable to loveMy love was pure
I only wanted
But my heart
Because my love
Like a piece of garbage
And now I'm unable
Because the shreds
Of my shattered soul
I Thought I Needed FeminismI thought I needed feminism, when I was a little girl.
And I am very sad to admit, that this wasn't very long ago.
I thought when he held the door open for me, that he was making a big mistake.
That he was being a pompous ass, and he took my strength for a fake.
And when he offered to pay my tab, I still called him an ass.
Because I thought he assumed I was poor, and below middle class.
Or when his hard work earned him a promotion,
yet I did nothing, and the boss' ignorance to promote me, I believed was a sexist notion.
My friend really wanted feminism when she found her ex-dead drunk,
removed his clothes, and without his consent, had a pleasurable fuck.
When her parents bust into the room unexpected that night,
she said he raped her, and he was arrested without so much as a fight.
Perhaps feminism was there when I walked out into the street in pure nudity,
and shouted the my neighbors “You have no right to judge me!”
I didn't care about the children who were standing in th
MathematicsI am but the sum of my
F L A W S;
a network of
S C A R S
a disaster of
D R E A M S
a shield of
B O N E S
C A L C U L A T I O N
a void of
to the girl i lose my words aroundi have been meaning to tell you for years:
i think you’re beautiful. i have
seen nothing on earth that holds a candle
to the ocean you carry inside your body.
it spills over your edges sometimes, like
a rain shower around you, blurring your penciled-in
lines until there is nothing left of you but your natural
cliffs, valleys, and deserts.
i like that.
i have never met someone who is, somehow,
a sea and a storm at the same time.
maybe i never will again.
maybe you are the only one
who gathers clouds on her forehead
like a promise, or feels the push and pull of the tide
with her every step.
you are beautiful, honestly.
you are honest, beautifully.
it is in the way you talk, the way you hold ice
on your tongue but forget to use it—
you always forget to use it, i don’t think
you know how.
to be truthful, i’m afraid of your smile
and how it breaks over me, how it pulls
me like a whirlpool down, how it pushes me
like a current back to the surface. i’m afraid of
DifferentDifferent on the outside,
Different mask you see daily,
Different girl you call ‘Hailey’
To my surprise
Your ears are distracted,
So I tell lies, looking into your eyes,
“Yea I’m fine. Simply tired”
For that response my brain is wired.
Different mouth you hear speaking,
Different voice you hear screaming
Different eyes you see pleading,
Different person you’d befriended
I’m sorry this is how it’s ended.
ConfusionThat sudden moment in a loud room.
When it suddenly goes silent.
Your strained voice calls out; it reaches no one.
What's going on?
Can someone tell me?
I'm confused...I'm lost.
The thousand daggers to the side.
Burning hatred of a thousand flames.
The dark insanity rises.
I'm so lost. So confuse.
Someone please help me.
I hate myself.
I wish I could've stopped it.
What kind of friend am I?
A bad one. I lose everything important.
I'm such an idiot, a pathetic fool.
I'm trash. This confusion.
I'm losing myself in sadness and anger.
I can't hate them.
I can't blame them.
"My brother...my brother..."
The only one I can hate.
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