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You and MeSomehow, it feels like all of my daydreams.
All of my dreams are gone.
I never think it would hurt this bad.
You and I both know this isn't the ending to this story.
There's more to this, another chapter for us to reveal.
I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind.
That I don't intend to get over you.
I'm a silly hopeless romantic, but there are few things that make me smile.
Maybe I'm lying to myself, but maybe it will help in the long run.
Maybe I'm too optimistic, but I won't give up.
As I sit in the dark and look to my ceiling.
I hold up my hand and I begin to shake hands with my demons.
The past is the past and that's okay.
I'll befriend my mistakes and I'll correct them.
I'm determined now.
Now I'll begin to tap, touch and feel. My own fear, my own insecurities.
. . . Give me one week, I'm wishing on one week.
Tonight, I'll make friends with the shadows on my wall.
And leave my wishes on paper planes and fragile daydreams.
FebruaryI hate the month of February.
I could say it's because of the month of my birthday.
But that's kind of weak, don't you think?
It seems like...every year, I fall apart even more....
As I get closer to the guilt. It's been almost three or four years now.
I don't understand what I'm doing wrong.
It seems like no one is talking to me anymore.
Like I'm not there....
...so, what happens when I'm not there anymore?
...Will they notice?
Will anyone notice?
Guys, I'm falling apart.
Please come save me from myself.
Can't you all see that I need you right now?! More than ever?!
Did I do something wrong...?
I'm so sorry...I don't understand.
You guys don't talk to me. What am I doing wrong?
I'm just a selfish bitch..every move I make.
My family. My parents. The government. You all.
I give up.
I can't pretend to be whole anymore.
I'm done with this "resolve".
Because in the end...
What difference will it make?
....Looks like just another February.
Lynder: Confessions Of A Tumblr MunLet's talk a little walk somewhere, shall we? I don't even know where, to be honest. Maybe somewhere into the void, into the past, present...I've always loved History, you know that? Let's take a step back then...somewhere..where I lost myself.
~ The Words Of Lie Ren ~
Yeah, that's right. I lied. How does that make you all feel? Everytime I say, I'm fine...it's a lie. You know what? I don't resent you if you hate me for that, honestly. I probably deserve that. I've been trying to be selfless, have I been selfish all along? I honestly wish I knew, but I can only read your emotions, not your thoughts.
Don't worry, you aren't the only ones I lie to. My parents, the government, my sister. Don't even get me started, really. I lie to myself too, I can't admit things to myself. Paranoia maybe. It's all in my head. It's always in my head.
“I don't get attached to people. Hate me.”
That's a lie, too. Everything I've said is a
RewriteHave you ever met someone you'd be willing to change your life for?
How about multiple someones?
People you'd be willing to do anything to see happy?
I have a few. Some stories to tell....
They know nothing about me. Yet they care..they'll give faith in me.
Is it faith? Is it pity?
No. The one who has given pity is I.
"You're too quick and risky."
Yes. That's true.
I'm also good at seizing the moment. Making friends.
I'm pathetic, you know that?
An excuse of a Human being..
Suddenly, I'm not so angry anymore.
I think it's time I face more than just myself.
What really happened those five months ago?
I haven't been myself in a while, you know.
No, you don't know. We just met after all.
You know my name, you know my face.
Do you truly know my story?
No. But you still care. Thank you.
"I'm gonna make you see the light in whatever darkness you see yourself in."
"Leon, you're such a strong person."
"It's odd how two people who don't want to get attached to other people are attached t
End ItIt feels like...I'm holding a weapon to my head.
A constant war, in and out. Through and through.
I can't fix myself, or I'm a liar.
I can't trust people, or I'll suffer.
I know I'm not in the right mind. That much is true.
I can't help but realize how close I am.
Into the dark abyss. In which no soul return from.
Hehe..how pitiful of me.
I've been abandoned by everyone. It's my own fault.
My own lack of contribution to my Humanity. My lack of concern.
Why do I say those kind of things?!
I don't care anymore.
Save me from myself.
And my misery.
Do me a favor.
End it all
TryOh look. My era of fake euphoria is over.
What a pity.
Speaking of which, pity me. Or, that seems to be all I say anymore.
If I could change myself, oh, how so I would.
It seems like I've never cared about anyone in my life.
Heh, maybe I haven't. Maybe I never let myself. Maybe I'm just that selfish.
Or maybe I've just been hurt too many times to let people reach me again.
Maybe I've built up my defense so bad...convinced myself I truly don't care.
Or maybe I don't want to try.
It seems like my non-existent freedom will come to an end.
With all the shadows and gloom that follow me...all the sadness that burns my heart.
All the regret and pride that follows me. How shameless. How lame.
My body burns from the depression as it falls further into the pit.
The pity that swallowed my heart and my thoughts.
And soon, I know.
I will give up.
I've always said, "sure, I'll try harder".
Maybe I will. Maybe I won't.
Whether or not I try...
...only time can tell.
Liar, LiarI don't know how to make things right.
So, I'll pretend everything's okay.
And nothing's wrong.
Liar, liar, liar, liar, escapist, liar, liar.
Can you swallow it? All the lies you've told?
Out of spite, you sit there...tell them it's all good.
Convince them otherwise.
Liar, liar, liar, liar, escapist, liar, liar.
You've shocked your memory so many times...you run away.
You hide the truth. You're afraid to be judged.
You can't remember anything, and you're just shallow and jealous.
Liar, liar, liar, escapist, liar, liar.
How much longer are you going to pretend you're hiding?
You're in plain sight. You've always been.
You lie to yourself...you lie to everyone...
Liar, liar, liar, liar.
Worthless. Worthless. Worthless.
"I'm fine, really."
You have to tell the truth eventually.
No, I don't.
...this is my one last sacrifice.
Lynder: A ConfessionMy aunt bought me a wishlet yesterday. I didn't really know why I wanted it, I didn't have any wishes. I've always been one for spirituality. But, last night, I decided what I wanted my wish to be...
Something about the past holds a mysterious grip over my heart. If only I could remember what really happened back then...why did I change things? Why do I forget now? What the HELL did I do? Do I want to know? Funny, someone said something to me yesterday...it still hangs in the back of my mind, haunting me, I don't know why. About the past. Our past. How did I screw things up so badly?
Heh...I blame myself for it, really. Even if I don't know the truth...Soty-kun is trying to help me remember. I'm pitiful. Why am I listening to Quietdrive--”caught up in circles, confusion is nothing new” – anyway, I've been thinking a lot lately.
It's probably too much for everyone to handle. My sudden absence..have I grown cold and distant? “Different”, they say. “Dis
ContentMy mind is empty right now.
No fears; no hate. Nothing.
Neutrality all around.
For the first time.
In a while.
In truth, I am simply content.
No more bottling up thoughts or emotions.
I've decided to be on my own path;
Not drawn by "destiny".
Did we choose our own destiny?
Does it choose us?
I think I choose mine.
We do not help who we are born to.
We cannot choose our family. Who we love.
We can choose where we go.
I guess that's good enough for me.
Even overjoyed, I can feel exhaustion overcome me.
It seems like forever since I've been able to sleep.
But now, I can fall asleep peacefully.
Is everyone okay? I think so.
For once, everything is just how I want it.
This is how I hope it stays.
For now, anyway.
Perhaps recovery is on its way.
And for the first time in forever.
I might just be okay.
HauntedI see her there with
Coal dust carved
Into the icy skin
Under her eyes,
And on her lips
Dance a chorus
Of bitter lies.
A skeletal hand of smoke
Claws at my neck
Until I bleed;
She tells me that the pain
Is just what I need.
And her blood
Zooms in her veins
Like speeding cars.
She looks at me
At what I am.
She’s a snake,
In the guise
Of a lamb.
‘What happened to us?’
Of what I used to be.
‘I may be you,
But you are not me.’
The sun comes up:
Yesterday is gone
But see it this way;
The past is part of the future
But the future isn’t the past.
You choose which bits go,
You choose which bits last.
I Saw a Burning ManIn front of my house, he sat.
Skin burnt off, now charred and black.
Hesitantly, I walked outside.
And he followed me with his watery eyes.
With steps as nimble as the snow,
I hid my fear and continued to go.
Now before him, the Burning Man.
I kindly offered him my shaky hand.
No malice nor vice leaked off of him,
rather sadness and agony which simmered below his skin.
I could feel it around me, the pain and despair,
yet, physically the man was nearly repaired.
For his scorched skin was not his problem,
instead the bottled emotions that devoured all of him.
“Would you like to come inside sir, and stay?”
In which he replied by looking away.
Again I asked, and received no reply,
and was startled when the man began to cry.
Unsure of what to do, I walked away,
Yet I’ll never forget what happened that day.
Be it from pain, or mute, or undisclosed desires,
I watched as the man was engulfed in fire.
I stood back in awe, with my mouth agape,
and feared that he had fallen into
little victories.when i was younger,
i thought i was the strongest
little girl in the world
because i could easily
beat my older brother
at arm wrestling.
it wasn't until years later
that i realized
And There Was Lighti.
He was seventeen when he died.
I never went to the funeral
but I walked past it the day of
the service. His mother
was in the backseat of a blue Dodge,
door open, head in her hands.
"My baby," she kept repeating.
"My baby." It would go from sobbing, to
screaming, to a soft whisper that
I could only hear being carried
on the wind.
It was a Wednesday afternoon that they found
his old red pickup truck parked
out front of Slim's, two beer bottles in
the back and the windows cracked to let the stale
I heard that his dad told the police he was
gonna take that old truck and fix it up, because
he had promised his son before—
because it's always in the before—
And in the after, his mother never had dry eyes
and I'm pretty sure my mom told me
that she saw his dad at the bar every night,
drinking his sorrows down because some people can't
handle the stress.
Some people can't figure out why their son would
"Some men just want to w
in which I gain sentiencesave room
for doubt, in the silence between
religious guilt and stolen
body heat. I am made of helium.
in my dreams they
pop me and
watch me flutter. I wonder if everyone
else’s head is so congested as mine,
hyperactive with inattentive people.
you are never serious--
he stares at me in a different
set of eyes; there are words
I cannot say, there are
things I cannot tell you.
(twice a week
I watch the people I love
leave me for good.
spiders in my throat,
How to love a poet: Expect them to be flawed,
a field of wild flowered-
& an inability
Love them anyway.
Know that when they look at you
they are noticing the little things.
You Ever Felt ItHave you ever felt it?
When you lay there broken
And feel yourself so guilty
Eyes gushing red
And you want to sleep in a coma
Your brain swelling with thoughts
At the same time empty with nothing
When you can't suit yourself
And see yourself a place among the demons
that moment when you control your life
The moment when you choose between life and death
And then you yourself can decide either way
It's when you're on the edge
And want someone to pull you back before you make another step
A hook, to rip all the insanity out of your body
And suck all the madness that is growing black dead trees
Have you ever felt it, have you known depression
Did you ever seek a source of help, and did you ever find it
ConfusionThat sudden moment in a loud room.
When it suddenly goes silent.
Your strained voice calls out; it reaches no one.
What's going on?
Can someone tell me?
I'm confused...I'm lost.
The thousand daggers to the side.
Burning hatred of a thousand flames.
The dark insanity rises.
I'm so lost. So confuse.
Someone please help me.
I hate myself.
I wish I could've stopped it.
What kind of friend am I?
A bad one. I lose everything important.
I'm such an idiot, a pathetic fool.
I'm trash. This confusion.
I'm losing myself in sadness and anger.
I can't hate them.
I can't blame them.
"My brother...my brother..."
The only one I can hate.
Stranger LoveI am not the sunlit wing-print
splayed out on the bedroom wall.
I am not the dark mass forming
in a corner of an airless hall.
I am not the viscous vengeance
where you sink your spinning wheels.
I am not the leaky bucket
hung up on your wishing well.
You are not my soul mate missing
wandering a winter's night.
You are not the sound of angels
singing by a candle's light.
You are not the rasp of fingers
fumbling with a hasp of steel.
You are not the tattered towel
soaking up the things I feel.
I am the oblivious child,
dancing where the wildflowers are.
You are my unwitting captive
lighting up a jelly jar.
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Bluefley has a gallery filled with artwork that whisks you off in to a Sci-fi daydream, and keeps you captivated for hours. Marc has been a member of our community for over a decade and has achieved nothing but success with his astounding commitment to interacting with the community, sharing a prolific amount of video tutorials and generally being an all round rockstar deviant. It is no joke that we are absolutely delighted to award the Deviousness Award for April 2014 to ... Read More