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You and MeSomehow, it feels like all of my daydreams.
All of my dreams are gone.
I never think it would hurt this bad.
You and I both know this isn't the ending to this story.
There's more to this, another chapter for us to reveal.
I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind.
That I don't intend to get over you.
I'm a silly hopeless romantic, but there are few things that make me smile.
Maybe I'm lying to myself, but maybe it will help in the long run.
Maybe I'm too optimistic, but I won't give up.
As I sit in the dark and look to my ceiling.
I hold up my hand and I begin to shake hands with my demons.
The past is the past and that's okay.
I'll befriend my mistakes and I'll correct them.
I'm determined now.
Now I'll begin to tap, touch and feel. My own fear, my own insecurities.
. . . Give me one week, I'm wishing on one week.
Tonight, I'll make friends with the shadows on my wall.
And leave my wishes on paper planes and fragile daydreams.
FebruaryI hate the month of February.
I could say it's because of the month of my birthday.
But that's kind of weak, don't you think?
It seems like...every year, I fall apart even more....
As I get closer to the guilt. It's been almost three or four years now.
I don't understand what I'm doing wrong.
It seems like no one is talking to me anymore.
Like I'm not there....
...so, what happens when I'm not there anymore?
...Will they notice?
Will anyone notice?
Guys, I'm falling apart.
Please come save me from myself.
Can't you all see that I need you right now?! More than ever?!
Did I do something wrong...?
I'm so sorry...I don't understand.
You guys don't talk to me. What am I doing wrong?
I'm just a selfish bitch..every move I make.
My family. My parents. The government. You all.
I give up.
I can't pretend to be whole anymore.
I'm done with this "resolve".
Because in the end...
What difference will it make?
....Looks like just another February.
Lynder: Confessions Of A Tumblr MunLet's talk a little walk somewhere, shall we? I don't even know where, to be honest. Maybe somewhere into the void, into the past, present...I've always loved History, you know that? Let's take a step back then...somewhere..where I lost myself.
~ The Words Of Lie Ren ~
Yeah, that's right. I lied. How does that make you all feel? Everytime I say, I'm fine...it's a lie. You know what? I don't resent you if you hate me for that, honestly. I probably deserve that. I've been trying to be selfless, have I been selfish all along? I honestly wish I knew, but I can only read your emotions, not your thoughts.
Don't worry, you aren't the only ones I lie to. My parents, the government, my sister. Don't even get me started, really. I lie to myself too, I can't admit things to myself. Paranoia maybe. It's all in my head. It's always in my head.
“I don't get attached to people. Hate me.”
That's a lie, too. Everything I've said is a
RewriteHave you ever met someone you'd be willing to change your life for?
How about multiple someones?
People you'd be willing to do anything to see happy?
I have a few. Some stories to tell....
They know nothing about me. Yet they care..they'll give faith in me.
Is it faith? Is it pity?
No. The one who has given pity is I.
"You're too quick and risky."
Yes. That's true.
I'm also good at seizing the moment. Making friends.
I'm pathetic, you know that?
An excuse of a Human being..
Suddenly, I'm not so angry anymore.
I think it's time I face more than just myself.
What really happened those five months ago?
I haven't been myself in a while, you know.
No, you don't know. We just met after all.
You know my name, you know my face.
Do you truly know my story?
No. But you still care. Thank you.
"I'm gonna make you see the light in whatever darkness you see yourself in."
"Leon, you're such a strong person."
"It's odd how two people who don't want to get attached to other people are attached t
End ItIt feels like...I'm holding a weapon to my head.
A constant war, in and out. Through and through.
I can't fix myself, or I'm a liar.
I can't trust people, or I'll suffer.
I know I'm not in the right mind. That much is true.
I can't help but realize how close I am.
Into the dark abyss. In which no soul return from.
Hehe..how pitiful of me.
I've been abandoned by everyone. It's my own fault.
My own lack of contribution to my Humanity. My lack of concern.
Why do I say those kind of things?!
I don't care anymore.
Save me from myself.
And my misery.
Do me a favor.
End it all
TryOh look. My era of fake euphoria is over.
What a pity.
Speaking of which, pity me. Or, that seems to be all I say anymore.
If I could change myself, oh, how so I would.
It seems like I've never cared about anyone in my life.
Heh, maybe I haven't. Maybe I never let myself. Maybe I'm just that selfish.
Or maybe I've just been hurt too many times to let people reach me again.
Maybe I've built up my defense so bad...convinced myself I truly don't care.
Or maybe I don't want to try.
It seems like my non-existent freedom will come to an end.
With all the shadows and gloom that follow me...all the sadness that burns my heart.
All the regret and pride that follows me. How shameless. How lame.
My body burns from the depression as it falls further into the pit.
The pity that swallowed my heart and my thoughts.
And soon, I know.
I will give up.
I've always said, "sure, I'll try harder".
Maybe I will. Maybe I won't.
Whether or not I try...
...only time can tell.
Liar, LiarI don't know how to make things right.
So, I'll pretend everything's okay.
And nothing's wrong.
Liar, liar, liar, liar, escapist, liar, liar.
Can you swallow it? All the lies you've told?
Out of spite, you sit there...tell them it's all good.
Convince them otherwise.
Liar, liar, liar, liar, escapist, liar, liar.
You've shocked your memory so many times...you run away.
You hide the truth. You're afraid to be judged.
You can't remember anything, and you're just shallow and jealous.
Liar, liar, liar, escapist, liar, liar.
How much longer are you going to pretend you're hiding?
You're in plain sight. You've always been.
You lie to yourself...you lie to everyone...
Liar, liar, liar, liar.
Worthless. Worthless. Worthless.
"I'm fine, really."
You have to tell the truth eventually.
No, I don't.
...this is my one last sacrifice.
Lynder: A ConfessionMy aunt bought me a wishlet yesterday. I didn't really know why I wanted it, I didn't have any wishes. I've always been one for spirituality. But, last night, I decided what I wanted my wish to be...
Something about the past holds a mysterious grip over my heart. If only I could remember what really happened back then...why did I change things? Why do I forget now? What the HELL did I do? Do I want to know? Funny, someone said something to me yesterday...it still hangs in the back of my mind, haunting me, I don't know why. About the past. Our past. How did I screw things up so badly?
Heh...I blame myself for it, really. Even if I don't know the truth...Soty-kun is trying to help me remember. I'm pitiful. Why am I listening to Quietdrive--”caught up in circles, confusion is nothing new” – anyway, I've been thinking a lot lately.
It's probably too much for everyone to handle. My sudden absence..have I grown cold and distant? “Different”, they say. “Dis
ContentMy mind is empty right now.
No fears; no hate. Nothing.
Neutrality all around.
For the first time.
In a while.
In truth, I am simply content.
No more bottling up thoughts or emotions.
I've decided to be on my own path;
Not drawn by "destiny".
Did we choose our own destiny?
Does it choose us?
I think I choose mine.
We do not help who we are born to.
We cannot choose our family. Who we love.
We can choose where we go.
I guess that's good enough for me.
Even overjoyed, I can feel exhaustion overcome me.
It seems like forever since I've been able to sleep.
But now, I can fall asleep peacefully.
Is everyone okay? I think so.
For once, everything is just how I want it.
This is how I hope it stays.
For now, anyway.
Perhaps recovery is on its way.
And for the first time in forever.
I might just be okay.
I am the daughter of a sailor.There is pure sea water
rushing through my veins
& my vocabulary can be
just as colorful.
how do I begin to tell you
we all have jungles growing
in our chests?-
by human hands?
I like to pretend
it’s Draco residing
in this chest of mine-
clogging my lungs,
I have forgotten
how to write
or anything with a shred
I have no space left within myself
for celestial, fire breathing dragons-
because I realize now
when I look in the mirror,
I do not see my father.
I screamMy scream is loud.
My scream is honest.
My scream is desperate.
My scream is filled with truth.
Why would nobody hear me?
dearly belovedthese days
your name has been slipping
in and out of my rib cage
my heart forgets to beat.
how even after all these months i still
don't want to believe that
you're dead. how during the
first couple of weeks i prayed
to a god i didn't believe in and begged to know
if death tasted sweet to you. how once,
when the monsters in my head
didn't let me sleep, i
wrote you three poems and then
you were a supernova that
lit up my life for
a few radiant moments before,
like all good things in this
you came to an end.
the sinner in me hopes that you have wings now.
but i think that,
most of all,
i hope you no longer
remember what pain
Those Green Eyes (Or: Don't Lie to Your Kid)Those green eyes -
The green of joy
The green of hope
The green of love and acceptance -
Were always full of lies.
They first lied when I said,
After a nightmare at four am
When I was too small to reach a light switch,
“Will you ever leave me?”
And those eyes said,
Why did those green eyes
Shut when I needed them most?
"Are you okay?"
Would be a red line
That I would etch into myself
Those green eyes melted.
Those green eyes did shine
And I knew what it was -
I was young, not stupid -
But I indulged the lie,
For those green eyes.
"Will it get better?"
I asked one sunny Saturday
At ten in the morning
And those green eyes looked away;
“And you’ll be here forever?”
There were no words.
I made up my own affirmative.
Those green eyes -
When they saw
How I’d rubbed myself raw
Let me dieGo away
Leave me alone
And let me die
Of this world
I don't want to live
Because there's no light
At the end of this tunnel
So I'll just end my life
Don't try to stop me
And we'll meet again
On the other side
Outside this dark tunnel
I am afraid of monsters like you.Bones and sinew cling
to the part of me
that is not human,
the part of me that
Your lips are ready
to pounce mine when
you lace my neck with
the collar of hope.
It hangs too tightly.
Only GirlsOnly Girls can suffer from weight loss,
can cut and cut until their blood is all gone.
Only girls can cry out their angry emotions,
and watch them pool from their eyes like the raging oceans.
Emotions are qualities reserved for women women only,
without them, what men would bask in their glory.
Only women can abort an unwanted fetus,
when a man mourns his lost child, he's nothing but a bigoted sexist.
Only girls can wear their hair long,
put on cake loads of make up, and twirl their hips to a song.
Strip down in public to your bra and underwear,
only girls will get angry when their objectified by eyes everywhere.
Only girls can swallow the pills,
because boys are never depressed, they only grow ill.
Only a woman can claw at her defenseless husband,
and when he tries to defend himself, he's considered little to nothing.
Cry 'sexual-harassment' in the midst of your workplace,
only girls can get away with this, when nothing was done to them in the first place.
Abuse is impossible if it ha
Wrists.Wrists are not made,
To be cut up by cold blades.
Blood was meant to stay in your veins,
Not to be drained.
From your body,
You're stronger than that,
I know a person can only take,
Until they break.
And you have your doubts,
And when you lay in bed,
The pain is all you think about.
But you're so much more,
Than your heart aches.
So much more,
Than your demons.
Even if you feel,
Like your dying,
And you are through with trying,
Because all you've been doing lately is crying.
I want you to know,
That no, you're not alone.
And you re going to survive.
Please just drop your knife,
Because you're going to,
Make it out alive.
words, wonderlight has faded and words are heavy,
but there is a delicate magic
twisting between your fingers.
it is all a-scribble
melisma without music;
syllables stitching terra firma
to firmament in intricate
stanzas that require
neither breath nor sound
to echo, infinite,
within the depths
of susurrous souls.
it is cold and it is dark,
but there is a fire in you
and you use it with a fierce grace
that illuminates the shadows,
and ignites the demons
until not even the grey spaces
that haunt and harry
can hold dominion.
they are exposed
they are broken
into shards of sunrise
and rays of a quiet
you scare away the night
with exhalations that blow
away the fogged emptiness
inside, over and over,
sparking fireworks from
what was thought
to be ash.
ConfusionThat sudden moment in a loud room.
When it suddenly goes silent.
Your strained voice calls out; it reaches no one.
What's going on?
Can someone tell me?
I'm confused...I'm lost.
The thousand daggers to the side.
Burning hatred of a thousand flames.
The dark insanity rises.
I'm so lost. So confuse.
Someone please help me.
I hate myself.
I wish I could've stopped it.
What kind of friend am I?
A bad one. I lose everything important.
I'm such an idiot, a pathetic fool.
I'm trash. This confusion.
I'm losing myself in sadness and anger.
I can't hate them.
I can't blame them.
"My brother...my brother..."
The only one I can hate.
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scheinbar is a much-loved and well-known deviant. Just one look at her gallery, filled with enchanting photography, will have you mesmerized. A deviant for over 7 years, Christiane can always be found posting inspirational features as well as regularly commenting on other deviations and encouraging and empowering her fellow deviants. We are inspired and insist that you too stop by and congratulate ... Read More